Recently in friendly advice Category

I'm getting married in thirty days.

...

Sorry I had to read that sentence a few times before moving on.

My fiancé and I have been engaged to be married since late last year. I had been told by a recently married couple early on that as the time approached, we would get antsier and antsier. "Let's just get hitched already!" we would say.

Well, they were correct. I'm ready to be Terri's husband and I don't want to wait any longer. I don't even want to wait five minutes.

But I can't help remembering St Paul's words: "Love is patient."

Patience isn't just about learning to wait it out. It's about learning to make the most out of the time you have to wait. In my earlier life I did not think it would take until my 29th year to get married.

But God wanted me to do some things during those years that I could not have done had I married at 21 or 22. And I like to think I did at least some of them.

Moreover, had I forced myself to get married back then, I would have completely missed out on Terri, whom I didn't even know back then. That's why we must rely on God's timing. Because he is the only one who KNOWS the timing.

But I digress.

Too many people spend their lives just waiting, saying "Someday, someday my dream will come." Don't.

Live. The way God wants you to live. You and I have zero days to wait before we can live our lives where we are to the absolute full.

If I had spent the last 29 years just waiting for God to bless me, not seeking his will in my life, I think I would have a lot longer to wait today.

Now, all I have to do is figure out what he would like me to do with the next 30 days. And I better. Or I might lose my mind.

Last night Terri and I went to the movies. It was there that I realized ...

If you're on a date, the best place to sit in a movie theater is directly behind two short people. Because nothing is more irritating than a giant cranium rising like a black hole sun into the horizon of the screen. But if you can find two short people to sit behind, there is a one hundred percent chance that that will not happen.

***

Before the movie started, there was a commercial for 3D televisions. During it, Terri remarked to me: "It would make me nauseous to watch stuff in 3D all the time."

I replied: "But dear, we see stuff in 3D all the time."

She remained silent for a few seconds, before replying: "Shut up."

It's nice to win one every now and then.

***

The film Terri and I watched, by the way, was Toy Story 3. Terri and Mark give it two thumbs way up. I say it is the funniest and most suspenseful of the three, with a truly Mission Impossible-esque storyline. Great fun.

None among the gods can equal you, O Lord; nor can their deeds compare to yours. -- Psalm 86:8

But instead of taking the form of religious deities, the new gods are simply taking the form of ... stuff. Entertainment, materialism, basically a whole bunch of white noise. We may not live in a time or a society at least in the Western world where there are many other "gods," but we sure have a lot of stuff.

That's not a bad thing, at least not always. The more I personally see of all the absurd stuff out there competing for my attention, the more confident I become that I'm living for the greatest gift in the world, which is the Gospel of Christ, and the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Not because of my own genius or insight of course, but because it was given to me. It's my heritage.

My favorite Catholic writer, Peter Kreeft, once wrote, "We become like the goals we pursue." So if we pursue absurdity, if we pursue white noise, we become the absurd, we become the white noise of celebrity and greed and sodomy, and all that. We know what the white noise is. If we pursue pointless, we become pointless. And I don't want to be pointless.

The question is what is the goal of your life. I know that at least generally for me, I want to make people happy. I want to make people smile. I don't want to just write a blog about stuff that upsets me, which I have done in the past and which would be very easy for me to continue doing. But I don't want to because in many cases that would just upset more people. Not that I want to ignore the problems of the world. But if all I do is talk about what's wrong with the world and I can't inspire people with something better then I miss the forest for the trees.

The world needs good news. The world needs a reason to smile. And I want my life to be that. I want my life to be a life that blesses other people's lives.

And if that sounds at all like what you want to do too, then you and I have one option. We have to pursue God, who "bestows on us every spiritual blessing in the heavens" (Ephesians 1:3).

This is Satan's big lie: that we can become like God by storing up power and knowledge and wealth for ourselves in this world. No, we become like God by pursuing Him. And when we pursue Him, other blessings follow from that.

When we pursue God, we become blessing for others, because we show them the face of God, the face of Jesus.

When we pursue Him, we become like His love: unconditional.

When we pursue Him, we become like His truth: undeniable.

When we pursue Him, we become like His goodness: unshakable.

When we pursue Him, we become like His beauty: inviolable.

Let's pray to Him that we can remember to always pursue Him first, so that we may become more like Him, so we may go out to our neighbors who are living in a world that is drowning in stuff, and give them a reason to smile.

Came across Psalm 125 yesterday:

Those who put their trust in the Lord
are like Mt. Zion, that cannot be shaken,
that stands forever.

Trust is difficult for someone like me. Someone who is very cerebral and likes to have all the answers all the time.

It is good to know God and know HIs word and His ways as much as we possibly can. But we can never know even our closest earthly friends so well as to completely understand everything they want and exactly what they are up to all the time. There will always be moments where they have to say to us, "Trust me."

How much more often, then, will God say to us, "Trust me," and how foolish would we be not to oblige.

In a relationship with an earthly friend, provided the friend is reliable and trustworthy, clarity as to what he is up to often comes only after our trust is placed in him.

Like in the movie Aladdin when the title character asks Princess Jasmine:

Do you trust me?

She doesn't know what he's up to until after she says, "Yyyeeeesss?"

Now again it is true: "Trust me" moments are easier the better we know someone. The better we know a person, the more confident we can be that he will not use our trust to take advantage of or hurt us. The second time Aladdin asks Jasmine if she trusts him, she says "Yes" with much greater ease and confidence that everything will be all right. So with God*.

But as with a regular person, we are limited by our singular vantage point. We can't know anyone completely. To demand to know a person completely before trusting is to trust no one ever.

So with God, when we stop trying to completely understand Him and His motives and simply trust Him, and let Him do His work in our hearts, the answers we wanted so badly before we trusted Him will naturally come to us. But trust has to come first.

Every morning when we wake up, God asks us: "Do you trust me?" And we have to answer Yes or No. If you answer yes, don't be surprised if He grabs your hand and tells you to jump.






*who similarly is trying to win our hearts, though dissimilarly not by disguising who He really is.

Came across this passage from Hebrews Chapter 3, verse 13 while praying the Divine Office this morning:

Encourage yourselves daily while it is still "today," so that none of you may grow hardened by the deceit of sin.

It reminded me of that Kris Allen song "Live Like We're Dying," which is basically about not waiting before you say or do something really important to or for a loved one. The song definitely has a Christian element to it, about how we never know when the end is going to meet us face to face, and we need to always make sure we are reconciled with others.

Encouragement does not only mean "affirmation," telling someone he or she is doing a good job. It can also include telling someone that he or she is capable of doing better.

None of us, in this life, will ever reach a point where we cannot be any holier than we are at the present time. There will always be something more we can give to God. There will always be a way for us to grow closer to Him, to invite Him more into our hearts. There will always be some aspect of our lives in which we can be more like Jesus. That is a good thing, not a bad thing.

Think about who in your life needs to hear that.

Because the key is not to beat ourselves up for not being better than we are now, but to encourage each other to grow.

Every now and then modern current events provide good fodder for a modern day parable. Consider the following, from FoxNews:

A computer game retailer revealed that it legally owns the souls of thousands of online shoppers, thanks to a clause in the terms and conditions agreed to by online shoppers.

The retailer, British firm GameStation, added the "immortal soul clause" to the contract signed before making any online purchases earlier this month. It states that customers grant the company the right to claim their soul.

"By placing an order via this Web site on the first day of the fourth month of the year 2010 Anno Domini, you agree to grant Us a non transferable option to claim, for now and for ever more, your immortal soul. Should We wish to exercise this option, you agree to surrender your immortal soul, and any claim you may have on it, within 5 (five) working days of receiving written notification from gamesation.co.uk or one of its duly authorised minions."

GameStation's form also points out that "we reserve the right to serve such notice in 6 (six) foot high letters of fire, however we can accept no liability for any loss or damage caused by such an act. If you a) do not believe you have an immortal soul, b) have already given it to another party, or c) do not wish to grant Us such a license, please click the link below to nullify this sub-clause and proceed with your transaction."

The terms of service were updated on April Fool's Day as a gag, but the retailer did so to make a very real point: No one reads the online terms and conditions of shopping, and companies are free to insert whatever language they want into the documents.

While all shoppers during the test were given a simple tick box option to opt out, very few did this, which would have also rewarded them with a £5 voucher, according to news:lite. Due to the number of people who ticked the box, GameStation claims believes as many as 88 percent of people do not read the terms and conditions of a Web site before they make a purchase.

What a great metaphor for life! How often do we stop to examine the "fine print" of our individual moral choices? To take a closer look at where they would lead if we "agreed to the terms," as it were?

In a modern culture of instant gratification, many of us would rather not take the added time and effort needed to examine our choices and think about what lies ahead. We only care about what immediately awaits us on the other side of the "agree" button. Games or applications or whatever. Most of the time, it may be perfectly fine, but always?

Likewise, it is possible to unknowingly release ownership of our souls to someone or something else, if we do not stop to read the fine print of our decisions -- if all we think about is the immediate good that awaits us on the other side of the "agree" button, be it material wealth or sex or notoriety or whatever.

Wisdom requires us to read the proverbial fine print. The act of actually reading the fine print is called "discernment." Modern popular culture is short on both wisdom and discernment. Yet these are the keys to a happy life. We may see some of our friends enjoying all kinds of things, and we may envy them. But we may not see a few years later when they finally read the fine print. When they say, "Oh, I didn't realize material wealth costs money." And think about the number of people you know who carry tremendous regrets that have something to do with sex. Now there's a wonderful gift from God that carries all kinds of fine print.

Again, these good things -- material wealth, sex, popularity -- are good things. But there's not a good thing in this world that doesn't have terms and conditions. That's as it should be. It's God's design.

So it may take a little bit longer, but it's worth it to read the fine print, to pray and discern, even -- and especially -- for the good things in life that we want very badly. Not that God will refuse it to us if we give it serious thought. But it's best to know into what we are getting, and for what we are asking.

And in case you were wondering:

The company noted that it would not be enforcing the ownership rights, and planned to e-mail customers nullifying any claim on their soul.

Usually the world is not so forgiving. But that's why it is nice to have a God who can forgive without needing to know your credit card number. (He does, but He won't use it against you, is my point.) But the key after that is to let Him give us the grace to always read before we "agree."

I recently visited my good friend and priest Father J. I don't recall how the subject of washing the dishes came up, but Fr. J made a wise suggestion:

Do them by hand.

Only use the machine for parties.

I have begun to do this in my own life. And you know what? It's awesome! I actually enjoy washing the dishes by hand. I finish washing the dishes and I say, "There must be more dirty dishes somewhere!"

I've been doing my fiance's dishes every night. I even did my roommate's dishes just now. He wasn't even home! (Yeah dude, if you're reading this, that was me.)

I just feel a greater sense of accomplishment when I wash the dishes by hand. Screw machines! I'm about to get married and start my own family. I ought to get used to working with my hands.

Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh actually wrote about the importance of washing the dishes:

While washing the dishes one should only be washing the dishes, which means that while washing the dishes one should be completely aware of the fact that one is washing the dishes. At first glance this might seem a little silly: why put so much stress on a simple thing? But that's precisely the point. The fact that I am standing there and washing these bowls is a wondrous reality. I'm being completely myself, following my breath, conscious of my presence, and conscious of my thoughts and actions. There's no way I can be tossed around mindlessly like a bottle slapped here and there on the waves.

There are two ways to wash the dishes. The first way is to wash the dishes in order to have clean dishes and the second way is to wash the dishes in order to wash the dishes.

If while we are washing dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as they were a nuisance, then we are not 'washing the dishes to wash to wash the dishes.' What's more we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes....If we can't washes the dishes, chances are we won't be able to drink our tea either.

In other words, enjoy every moment, no matter how mundane it might seem. Washing the dishes by hand is great practice for this.

Apparently there are some naybobs out there who say washing the dishes by hand wastes water. Pish posh, I say! There are ways to save water when washing dishes by hand, and even among the enviros, the question is not completely settled. Eco-friendly ways of handwashing dishes would consist basically of running the water only when you are rinsing the dish. Simple enough.

At any rate, I have thoroughly enjoyed the new practice and highly recommend it to anyone who hates loading and unloading the machine. Wash, rinse, put away, done!

Let's ask ourselves: How many times in a day do I say the words "thank you," either to another person or to God? How far into the day do I get before that happens?

Do I react to the morning alarm with thankfulness that I am alive and in sufficient good health to get out of bed? If not, perhaps that sets the tone for and colors the way I approach everything else in my day -- traffic, the job, the news, other people, etc.

Being thankful is a challenge because it is sometimes too obvious. There's stuff to be thankful for everywhere. The breath in our lungs, the people we love, the trees breaming green beneath a cloudless sky on a good day, or the rain that cools us off. But our cynical side may encourage us to simply roll our eyes and dismiss it. What's so great about being in sufficient good health to get out of bed? If you're consciously thanking God for that, all that means is you don't have anything particularly great to thank Him for.

On the contrary, if we do not thank God for the smallest of gifts (I would argue that sufficient good health is quite a marvelous gift, but anyway), we will never recognize the great gifts when they are given.

Thankfulness has to begin from the moment of consciousness in the morning. For consciousness is itself a gift. When I experience it, I should thank God for it. When you wake up, say "Thank you, Lord, for ..." You may not even know what for immediately. You may be half awake as it is. That's okay. It will come to you.

Think about the number of people in this world who respond to their alarm clocks by uttering some profanity. "Son of a b--, shut up clock," etc. How would you prefer to wake up in the morning? The sad thing is many people aren't even aware that they have a choice. That's right. A choice.

Anger and cynicism are not involuntary muscle spasms. They are decisions we make at every moment that we grumble and criticize and dismiss. Real happiness and thankfulness are not the products of brainwashing. They are decisions we make every time we allow some little thing, or some great God, to make us smile inwardly, and outwardly.

It's a choice. Between waking up and spouting swear words and waking up immediately saying "Thank you," immediately setting the tone for our whole day.

If you haven't done it before, or if it's been a while, try it, and see what happens.

Thank you for reading. *high five*

If God has blessed you with something that makes you very happy, do not question it. You may be tempted to ask yourself whether you deserve it, or if it is too good to be true. The answers: It doesn't matter, and no it isn't.

And if you are not sure that God has given you something that makes you very happy, ask yourself if that may be because you are questioning it. And if you are, stop.

If you strongly believe that God has not given you anything that makes you very happy, consider the risks that God has called you to take recently, and ask yourself whether you have taken them. There is no search for happiness that does not involve some level of risk. That's why it is called "faith." And if our faith is firmly in Him, no step taken in faith will be too risky.